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The long, dark, tea time of the soul
Jan. 17th, 2013 09:47 amI hate this time of year.
This is when the dolrums of depression really start smacking me around.
It's not as bad as other years, but it's bad enough to be ANNOYING. I don't want to knit, I don't want to read. I just want to spend my time lying down being entertained and even then, I'm not that interested. I'm going through the motions. I get up, shower, dress. Care for children. Attempt to educate them. I do laundry and clean the house enough to keep it orderly. Which I know is a good thing. Just moving every day helps.
I'm trying to sit under my lamp every day. I'm trying to get outside and work in the garden every day. I can't really exercise 'cause of the damn boot, but it's my own damn fault it's there again, so oh well. I know that eating better will help immensely since oh...80% of how I feel is created by how I feed my body. I feed it crap...I feel like crap. Every day I do it a little bit better. I added 3 lbs over the Holidays (which is an immense improvement since last years 12 lb gain.), but I'm not adding any more so go me! The bingeing is slowing, every day it's a bit easier to stop. Every day, its easier to say "Nah, I don't want that." Every day, there's a step in the right direction...and if there's a slide, I'm kind to myself....I know it will be better tomorrow.
But still. I'm dragging. I have class tonight. I've done the reading, but I've not finished the paper. I've done the drawings. So...essentially half my homework is done. I'm struggling with how to write what I understand and do so succinctly. It's hard to do Steiner with brevity. Goodness knows he couldn't do it! There are times I yell at the book...Okay! Get to the point and say it already! I'm working on the next assignment's reading and I'm still waiting for it to get good. Parzival is not coming across as a sympathetic character to me (spoiled little brat), so the story is dragging. I can grind through it...but, bleh. There's a reason I'm not a Medievalist. These stories just go on and on and I swear to god they are paid by the word....bleh.
Ike is driving me crazy and I'm tired of pushing him through bullshit homework. I can see bringing home the work on his MLB he didn't finish in class, but damn. These math and grammar assignments are driving us crazy. Especially since he's already done the grammar ones already. I just want to go to his teacher and say enough with the bullshit. You have EXTRA main lesson slots daily...finish this bullshit stuff then, don't send it home! But...it still comes home. He worked for 90 minutes this morning struggling through his fractions and grammar. Normal kid probably would have taken 20...*sigh* Not sure how to deal with this. We are all tired of him struggling.
Just keepin' on keepin' on.
This is when the dolrums of depression really start smacking me around.
It's not as bad as other years, but it's bad enough to be ANNOYING. I don't want to knit, I don't want to read. I just want to spend my time lying down being entertained and even then, I'm not that interested. I'm going through the motions. I get up, shower, dress. Care for children. Attempt to educate them. I do laundry and clean the house enough to keep it orderly. Which I know is a good thing. Just moving every day helps.
I'm trying to sit under my lamp every day. I'm trying to get outside and work in the garden every day. I can't really exercise 'cause of the damn boot, but it's my own damn fault it's there again, so oh well. I know that eating better will help immensely since oh...80% of how I feel is created by how I feed my body. I feed it crap...I feel like crap. Every day I do it a little bit better. I added 3 lbs over the Holidays (which is an immense improvement since last years 12 lb gain.), but I'm not adding any more so go me! The bingeing is slowing, every day it's a bit easier to stop. Every day, its easier to say "Nah, I don't want that." Every day, there's a step in the right direction...and if there's a slide, I'm kind to myself....I know it will be better tomorrow.
But still. I'm dragging. I have class tonight. I've done the reading, but I've not finished the paper. I've done the drawings. So...essentially half my homework is done. I'm struggling with how to write what I understand and do so succinctly. It's hard to do Steiner with brevity. Goodness knows he couldn't do it! There are times I yell at the book...Okay! Get to the point and say it already! I'm working on the next assignment's reading and I'm still waiting for it to get good. Parzival is not coming across as a sympathetic character to me (spoiled little brat), so the story is dragging. I can grind through it...but, bleh. There's a reason I'm not a Medievalist. These stories just go on and on and I swear to god they are paid by the word....bleh.
Ike is driving me crazy and I'm tired of pushing him through bullshit homework. I can see bringing home the work on his MLB he didn't finish in class, but damn. These math and grammar assignments are driving us crazy. Especially since he's already done the grammar ones already. I just want to go to his teacher and say enough with the bullshit. You have EXTRA main lesson slots daily...finish this bullshit stuff then, don't send it home! But...it still comes home. He worked for 90 minutes this morning struggling through his fractions and grammar. Normal kid probably would have taken 20...*sigh* Not sure how to deal with this. We are all tired of him struggling.
Just keepin' on keepin' on.